Stash Mis..management

It started simply enough - a simple desire to get organized, to clean up, to find some needles.  But I think the urges were much darker than that.  I had kept the secret so long that it was the moth eating away at my woolen soul.

I started working on the family room stash (not to be confused with the study stash nor the bedroom stash) where we have a coffee table/chest with a large drawer.  I pulled open the drawer and inside was a portion of my secret - my stash.  I pretended at first to be looking for needles, so I just pushed the yarn aside.  But as I pushed, I found it wasn't enough - I had to squeeze it as I pushed.  And the squeezing turned into holding it into two hands.  The needles were forgotten as my mind began to be lost in the swirl of alpaca, cotton, mohair and silk that lay before me.  I began slowly and tentatively, on skein at a time, pulling them out into the daylight and giving into the seduction of "I can get this project done by Christmas".

I am touching - I am fondling - I am unabashedly fantasizing.  It is a live yarn porn show, right in my family room.  And, I am ashamed to admit - my kids and husband could have walked in at any minute.

AND HE DID!!!!  My husband walked in and caught The Full Force of The Stash*

And I was in the middle of it - not embarrassed until I looked up and saw his shocked, blood drained face.  In his eyes was the betrayal - I had only told him of 12-15 projects of yarn, not was laid out in front of him.  Would he ever trust me again to go to the "grocery" store after all those times of coming back empty handed?  In the back of his mind, I can see him starting to re-think my stories about the grocery store running out of food.   

"Please, love, let me explain", I pleaded - but he was gone.  Gone, to get a Scotch to help deaden the pain and shock of what he had just seen. 

My mind raced - How can I explain what he just saw? Can I buy one of those memory zapping thingys from Men in Black on eBay? What was I going to do with 1300 yards of Alchemy Synchronicity?

I sat for a while - torn by what I yearned to do and what I needed to do.  Reluctantly, I let the Malabrigo Merino Laceweight drop from my fingertips, dragged my foot over the Jade Sapphire Cashmere-Silk and went to atone for my transgressions.

"Love? Love?" I whispered, hesitantly, as I searched the dark house "Where are you? Can we talk?"

I found him - sitting at the computer in completely dark room.  The ghostly blue glow lit his features and I made out his jutting chin resting in his hand.  He was staring at the screen so intently I wasn't eager to have his eyes bore into me.   These weren't good signs, but I took a deep breath and plunged right in.

I put my arms around his neck, kissed his ear and whispered "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Huh, what?"

"Do you want to talk?  You looked really upset in there."

"What are you talking about?" He turned to face me and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that he had been staring at a computer game and not apartment listings.

"A moment ago - in the family room - you looked so shocked - all the yarn" (I don't know how to type a quivering voice, but just go with it).

"What - Oh! I was just surprised to see you cleaning rather than knitting! Doesn't happen all that often."  And he gave me a kiss on the cheek, sent me on my way and went back to shooting aliens.

I stopped - stunned - my anxiety falling away.  As I stood there, my love turned to me and said "Why were you so worried?" and a small, teasing smile started "What's in there that is making you feel so guilty?"

"No, nothing, nothing" I said quickly "I just was confused - no problems - really - nothing to see - I'm just tired - misunderstood you.  Can I get you another Scotch - a really strong one?"

Breathing heavily, I darted back to the family room, re-stashed the stash, and vowed to never be seduced again unless I was completely alone - it was just to dangerous.  I need to remember secret stashes, like the moths we abhor, are creatures of the dark.  When examined during the light of day, the seductive fire of the passion lit by phrases such as "Oh, I love this pattern", "FEEEEL this cashmere" and "Sure, if I cast on today, I can finish this Alice Starmore sweater by this weekend!" can lead to the  wild reckless abandon that I had fallen into - (almost) the full frontal stash exposure to those not yet of sufficient maturity to process it.  I could have scarred my beloved for life. 

I shudder to think about the consequences.

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*I must give credit to the TMC Ravely Group, specifically E. for the fabulous phrase "The Full Force of the Stash".  Wish I could have thought of it, but no such luck.

Comments

[Andie]

Terri,
Thanks for the laugh, my hubby laughed too, he thinks its funny, but after 32 years and a lot of carrying of more and more wool and then mountains of wool, he has become resigned.
But I recognise the true impulses of a great yarnist.
Andie

[Terri King]

Andie -

You're welcome. My DH is also beginning to become resigned to the reality as well. Just every now and again it smacks him in the face. For instance, when he read this post at the office, I got an e-mail "what do you mean there is a "study stash" and a "bedroom stash"? I had to explain that I clearly embellished for dramatic effect - then I moved everything to the kids' closet :-)

~~T